My whole life, I’ve struggled with my body image and feeling satisfied with my appearance. Growing up, it seemed like all the magazines, movies, and television shows portrayed women as either very thin or extremely curvy in all the right places. As someone who has always carried more weight in my midsection and thighs, I never felt like I fit those stereotypical beauty standards that were constantly shoved in my face.
In middle school, I started to gain more awareness of my own body and compare myself to my peers. Most of the other girls in my class were very thin and petite. Meanwhile, I felt enormous next to them even though, looking back, I wasn’t substantially larger than average. All I could focus on was how much smaller the waistlines and thighs of the other girls seemed. Whenever we had to get dressed for gym class, I dreaded having to take off my clothes in front of the other students. I was sure they were staring at my stomach hanging over my pants or the dimples on the back of my thighs.
My poor body image followed me into high school. I started obsessively watching what I ate, trying fad diets to lose weight, and skipping meals when I felt too self-conscious to eat in front of others. Nothing I did seemed to make a difference in how I looked, though. While the thin, flat-stomached girl seemed to be glorified everywhere, my physique just didn’t fit that mold no matter how hard I tried to change it. When prom season came around my junior year, I cried looking through formal dresses because nothing was cut in a way that was flattering on my larger lower half.
It wasn’t until college that I started to gain a better perspective on body types and diversity. Being out on my own and exposed to different cultures helped me realize that the cookie-cutter ideals I grew up with weren’t representative of natural, healthy bodies. I took a human sexuality course my sophomore year that explored expectations of beauty across various eras and demographics. We learned that what is considered desirable physically has changed dramatically over time based on cultural values and availability of resources like food. Body types have also varied greatly between different regions of the world.
This class helped put things in perspective for me in a way I wish I would have learned much earlier. I realized so-called “beauty standards” are socially constructed and don’t actually determine anyone’s inherent worth or attractiveness. Learning about health at every size and body positivity movements also resonated with me more than dieting ever had. Instead of trying to force my body into an unrealistic mold, I started appreciating the body I had for keeping me healthy, strong and able to enjoy life.
My new philosophy didn’t erase years of insecurity overnight, but it did help me make significant progress in self-acceptance. I started paying less attention to numbers on the scale or sizes of my clothes and focused more on how my body served me. I stopped comparing myself to airbrushed models or actresses and accepted that I have curves where others may be straight. By senior year, I no longer hated going clothes shopping or having my picture taken like I did in high school. I realized most people come in all shapes and sizes, and that’s what makes us individuals rather than clones of an artificial standard.
Now graduated and working a career I love, I feel more confident and comfortable in my skin than ever before. I still have days where old criticisms creep back into my head, but I’m getting better at dismissing unrealistic societal pressures. Now when I look in the mirror, I feel proud of how strong my body is rather than just dwelling on its less than perfect areas. I focus on fueling it well with nutritious food and keeping it active through hobbies like hiking, yoga and dancing. While a svelte, straight silhouetted figure may seem like the only option portrayed, I know firsthand that coming to accept and appreciate your natural curves is so much healthier mentally and emotionally in the long run. Every body has its own story to tell.